Soooo much work has been done, though in some ways the house doesn't look or feel any different. All 3 roofs as been renewed, we have a huge layer of loft insulation and a nice layer of insulation inside the new kitchen roof as well. The upstairs windows are all new, lockable, open and shutable, very well built and draft proof. They even have cool vent strips we can open when we need to. The front of the house looks immensly better with the new dash and the rest is being painted. We also have a new boiler which we've not yet become happy with. it's a combi boiler, can heat water and house together or separatly (before we could only get hot water by turning the heating on) but the water pressure is poor and we keep getting very loud noises in the pipes. We finally got the grant work done, though there a a few issues left to deal with, so that I got a night to relax with the joy of no builders or hassle. So, as you might expect, new builders arrived the next morning and took down the kitchen wall connected to the living room. Actually it was just the plaster they removed, as it was all bad largely due to a leaking drain directly above the roof.

Ruth says, "That having the kitchen in a tip does not feel very good, and I don't think that the house is not as pretty as it used to be, and having the whole house in a tip doesn't feel good. I liked the house when it was different. I don't like that the bathroom windows are different because now I can't see through them. I only like the point that my room is tidy and it stays tidy most of the time. I like mommy's room because the bed is nice and bouncy and I bounce on it all the time. I loved it when it was nice and warm in the summer, but now it has changed and it doesn't feel good because in the rain it is cold, wet damp and the mud is squelchy and it definately doesn't feel good because when it's not raining we get horrible winds. And I am expecting a storm."

Hmmmm... and I really tried to get her to say something positive. Oh well, at least you have all gotten an update. There's more info on the picture comments

Going places

Hello everyone, how's it going?
Many of you have commented about why I'm not blogging not before. There's quite a few reasons for that. one of the consequences is that I'm making this blog private so you are going to need to send me your email.

,started this months ago. trying to get back into it, but very ill and just threw up so God Bless!

This week

It's been a long hard week, following a long but very productive month. I've made a lot of progress with the house. We've got 2 insurance claims being fixed, the bust drains under the house are definately covered, a pleasant surprise. The second claim was made for storm damage with a large "ingress" of water flowing down the former exterior wall inside the kitchen where the kitchen extension is attached to the original structure of the house. Damn, that's wordy. Long story short the "ingress" was caused by a leaking overflow pipe from the header tank for the central heating system. We are not covered for the leak but should be for the damage caused by the leak. No story shorter, we fixed the leak together, at no cost as Geoff's dad had a spare ball valve, and there are now 2 industrial dehumidifiers drying out the kitchen and living room, having first checked the ceiling did not contain white Abstestos, which was appartently used in Artex (the funny plaster shaped/used to decorate ceilings)until 2000. The drains are on a 4-6 week planning permission delay and the walls will take at least that long to dry out before any repairs can be made.
Otherwise the grant work/restorations to sort out the roof amongst other essential jobs should be starting on Monday, the scaffolding has been up for a week now.
However the drain from organizing all of this; cooking most meals, cleaning, taking over most of the laundry, and arranging entertainment for the kids, birthday parties and more, all of this has wiped me out. I've dropped club and lost most of my garden time to keep up with it all. Also, my volunteer helper has only come once in the last month and losing that 2 hours of help/chat/advise each week has hurt. I have been trying to take breaks ever 30 min, with mixed success, but it does make a positive difference. I am very much looking forward to seeing the consultant who leads the CFS/ME clinic in a few weeks.
I'm tired now, so God Bless you all
Chris

Tardy party

This year things were so hectic that DD,5's Birthday Party was about 3 weeks late. Clare brought paints and together we did nearly everyones face. It was a first for me and I really enjoyed it. DD,5 loved the party and had a great time.

Muncaster rounds and Owl Center

Geoff's parent's challenged him to have a picnic on the next nice day. He was very anxious about this, but after some thought he decided to face his fears. I was proud of him when he invited me to picnic at Muncaster. He did most of the planning and packing, and we reserved the motoriaed scooter so that I could do the walks with the kids. It was a great day that I want to blog more about, but it will have to wait as I'm falling asleep.

God Bless!



ps. WE would appreciate prayers for our Uncle Ron and Aunt Pat. Thanks

Christening

Irma's Christening. I was very lucky because I got to cuddle her for ages and then I went around and "introduced" her to everyone. Pretty much everyone knew her, bu not me, but she gave me the courage to go up and talk to strangers.

Blackpool Pictures

Enjoy them

More Blackpool

11:25 am Wed, Blackpool

Well, I had a slow start after getting up several times through the night, then waking up sharply with the rain around 5:30 am. I got a bowl of cereal then tried to relax with Pride & Prejudice (my sleeping pill ;'} ) Eventually I fell back to a restless sleep. Mom did breakfast again and Dad tidied it up while I got myself mobile. Ruth, after some fuss, sat on my thighs for a bit and eventually we tried a touch of exercise, at her insistance, but sadly I wasn't strong enough. However, I'm now moving, my bed is tidied away, and we should head off to Pleasure Beach within a half hour. I havn't needed a wheelchair yet and I hope to keep it that way. This laptop is bounced on my thighs as my they're twitching so badly, so hopefully getting out and moving will help them out.

23:51 pm Wed,
Wow... It has been an amazing day. Thanks to G. we had wrist bands ordered and paid for at a discount and waiting for us at Pleasure Beach. We got there without too much effort, though it was rather confusing figuring out where exactly to park and how to get in. Pleasure Beach is rather like any amusement park in the USA. The map was cool, with the standard cartoon/picture top view of the park on one side with a metro style map on the back with family rides/white knuckle rides/food routes that were amazing easy to follow.
Following the down pour of the morning the rest of the day was very overcast with the barest of drizzles occasionally touching us. This meant lovely short lines for all of the rides. David was nasty to Grandma at the very start and so lost his first ride, instead getting to watch Ruthie travel a Cheshire Cat through Wonderland. This impromptu choice of mine turned out to work very well and David improved for some time, though he is still testing Grandma and Grumpy to see what he can get away with and acts out even more when they discipline him. They are doing very well with both kids, I would just like them to stop giving the kids soda pop and salt.
David seemed a bit dubious about many of the rides, but definitely wanted to go on them, and certainly enjoyed the day. Ruth had fabulous fun, but I think that Dad and I may just have topped her. Together we hit 5 white knuckle rides and we had a blast doing it. We started with the Pepsi Max, while Grandma took the kids to Burger King for lunch. Later, bless her, she took the kids on a series of rides while Dad and I hit Space Invaders II, Avalanche and The Zipper. The $22 (10 lbs) That Dad paid for the picture was soooo worth it. What do you think? I pray that I never forget the fun and excitement, sharing those rides with Dad. Unfortunately the Wild Mouse nearly broke both of us. It was a very rough ride and we were both moaning and limping away from it, like a couple of cranky old farts after a fender bender. The Impossible, a family ride was a fascinating maze of optical illusions and physical tricks that ended with us piling into a large suspended "tram"ish style car. Then we got inverted... actually the room rotated around us. I had been warned by a lady, whose 2 year old was left in tears, about it after it was too late to go back, so I preped him and talked about closing his eyes if he didn't like it. Well... David loved it and I got so ill that I had to close my eyes and could barely walk afterwards. All in all however, a great day. Ruth says, "Brilliant, fab..." David says, "Mommy, it was great fun" (with just a bit of prompting as Grandma has just given them bubble wands)
Now it's 11:49 am Thurs, the place is tidy - ish and we are heading out for the nature reserve.

Blackpool

I'm back and it was great. I took my laptop but as usual, I didn't' get to spend much time on it typing blogs. The good side of that is that I spent that time having fun with my family. So Below is what you get and if you would like more you need to type your questions in a comment and I'll do what I can.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1:00 am Wed 28, May, Blackpool

Today has been a fun and interesting day. I really have to thank my mom for paying for this trip as I really needed a mental holiday from everything at home.

We are staying at Marton Mere, a caravan park just north of Blackpool, a UK equivalent to a cross between Ocean City and Kings Dominion. We've got a very nice caravan with a double and twin (2 small beds) bedroom a spacious, open plan, Kitchen, dinning, living room; including TV gas fire and microwave. I'm sleeping in a fold out bed in the living room. There's a decent pool complex, packed and the usual activities found in family holiday parks hidden in a large fun arcade complex.

Today, mom and I were up and chatting by 8:30. I tidied up my bed while mom sorted out breakfast. Then before I managed to sneak off for a shower (over an hour later, we were having a good time chatting) the kids were up so we had some fun playing together and sharing cuddles. David had been in bed with me following a restless night and then a bad nightmare sometime after daylight; so he was understandable cranky when he woke and needed a lot of attention. He wasn't very happy that I also cuddled Ruth and talked with Mom. Eventually I managed to get in a lovely shower, and after I got Dad up for breakfast. We all had a relaxed morning,tidied up and finally got moving by noon. We had a great time a the Sea Life Center, with the kids getting a short play in a climbing/play area at the end while we three pooped adults rested.

My marriage

For some time I have been digesting the comments, mails and chats that I have had with numerous people about my marriage and relationship with G. I want to clarify several points and then respond to my brother's (Matt) comment, published on precious post.

For years, you have heard my complaints about G's inadaquecies or misconceptions of cleaning, his lack of interest in gardening and housework, etc...

Our disfunctional marriage is not a result of these, rather these issues merely aggravate me. The root of our problems is our relationship, husband and wife.

G works all day and that is important. His salary pays the bills, just as mine used to. I have actively supported him with his job to the best of my ability and knowledge. I also work all day, to the extent I am able. I have established our home and work to maintain that and our family. G contributes to this, some days better than others.

Matt's right and has helped me to see that I have poorly communicated my frustrations. G does do work around the house and in the garden. I often feel that he is not doing enough or he does the wrong things but he does NOT come home from work and laze around like some men do. There have frequently been times when G has only done the work I specifically tell him to or times when he has come to me to question me about nearly every aspect of running our family; when to eat, what to eat, what to give the kids, what to do with the kids, etc... We have, together, began to work on this and again G. is improving. Another problem that has annoyed me is his attitude to necessary jobs with the house, garden or children especially his only helping when I insist or his taking a very sulky attitude or worse a "we can't do it" attitude. Again we are now making headway on these issues.

Another important note is that both now and before we married, neither of us believed that the strict traditional roles of husband bringing home the bacon, and wife doing all the home and child rearing work were appropriate for our lives. When I worked as a teacher, Geoff cooked most of the meals b/c I always had another 10 hours of work do to each night, an impossible task while I generally gathered up all the trash and took it out. He did all the laundering while I was responsible for cleaning hobs, ovens, toilets, sinks, etc... Other jobs we did together. How well either or both of us finished these jobs, especially in a timely manor, have varied from very badly to great.

We both agreed, years before having children that once our first was born I would stop employed work and focus on our children instead. I always believed that with this I would pick up the majority of many household chores given my increased time at home. I looked forward to cooking most of the meals, a passion of mine, and envisioned myself making fresh bread several times a week, expanding into baking and increasing my reportoire of meals of all styles and cultures. I fully expected to take over most of the laundry as well as most of the tidiing and kitchen work.

While all of this will have an impact on a marriage I believe that the core of a marriage is the relationship between husband and wife; sexuality, intimacy, friendship, companionship, love, trust, openess are all contribute to this core connection between husband and wife. It's deeper and wider than the connection between friends. Sadly this is what is missing between us and the sorce of the majority of both our problems and my heartache and deep sadness. A sadness that I have instinctually hidden from all of you most of the time. Only G. has known about it. For reasons I wont go into here, G. shutdown his side of that connection the day after we married. I found out when and why he did this about 3 years ago. I've learned a bit more since.

I have always believed that a marriage takes two and that it needs daily maintaince and attention. We have both, from the begining to present made mistakes, hurt each other, miscommunicated ourselves etc... I have never believed that I was blameless nor faultness in this marriage but through the last 9 years I have tried to be open, be aware of my thoughts and actions, be aware of my impact on others, be honest with myself especially about my faults, to improve myself as a christian, wife and person. It took me a year to recognize that we had some major problems to resolve and I have tried everything I could think of to fix our problems. But it takes two...

I very much apologize to to all of you for my miscommunications and the confusion they have caused. I continue to find it difficult to clearly articulate the problems I have had in my life and marriage and I thank all of you, especially Matt, for your time and efforts to help me clarify my thoughts and expressions.

I'm back

My laptop power cable plug was broken when a certain small child ran through and accidental pulled my laptop off my sewing desk. A replacement as obviously arrived and put me back in touch. Before that I'm afraid that illness and a few personal issues kept me from posting, although I have been throughout that time trying to contruct a few posts on different topics
God Bless!
Chris

Thoughts and Pictures That I want to never forgot

Playing with Sarah and the kids at Drigg Beach today, especially David standing at the edge of the waves in the knees bent, shoulders hunched over, big boy position saying, "Mommy, I'm peeing like a big boy" and Ruth very carefully running behind her brother and saying quieting to me, "it's ok Mommy, I'm making sure David wins" (David stops and has a screaming fit everytime someone else is winning)
Walking in ankle deep warm clear water and enjoying the sea and scenary there.

The God given peace that filled me during two conversations a week of so back, that would otherwise have been very stressful and emotional.

During our recent caravan holiday (Which I've been meaning to blog but simply havn't gotton around to, so I apologize) A fabulous shopping trip to a Tesco's extra with Kay. Excellent talking, joking and companionship. Kay, Geoff and I all making handrolled sushi for the first time from 1-3 am. Ruth, wearing arm bands, swimming the length of a pool for the first time. She was the very image of the turtle; plodding on one stroke at a time with a relaxed face that knew it would get there.

The wonderful times of just cuddling Ruth and/or David.

The whole day, night and following day of the birth of Ruth and of David, stories which I hope to record soon, before I forget anymore details.

My wedding day, from waking through the whole day.

You are what you think... and then I vent it all out

You are what you think. A Unity Church phrase, favorite of great Aunt Gwen, Mother of "My cousin Chrissy" Dad's cousin really, but that is what I have always called her. I am going to send some time mulling over what I think and what I am.

Wed morning she blessed me with a wonderful call and encouraged me to talk about my problems, specifically the marriage. She was and is wonderfully compassionate, a great listener and asked several good but difficult to answer questions. Then in the end she summarized the problems very succiently. I wish I could remember her words. I am going to send some time mulling over what I think and what I am.

And I can write all these wonderful things about her, that would probably embarrass her to read, because I know she has no internet connection.

I wish that all of you were as open to me. I wish the world was a place were no one judged and everyone could just be open with each other and just talk. That we were all blessed with the wisdom and empathy to understand each other, and could ... well I can't even describe it but I'm frustrated of course. I try to be open to friends, to truly be honest with myself and listen and identify suggestions that I havn't tried, to follow appropriate options to fix problems. To discard "the chaff" and work with the true grains of wisdom. But most people, it seems, just throw everything back at me, it's my fault for ... whatever. Even Geoff does not understand this and has tried to talk to some of you about it, often to no avail. Nearly everyone insists that he works all day, he is a man, you can't expect him to ... Whether its packing his own clothes for a trip, be loving, cook a meal without specific directions or leave the kitchen in a usable state, He is a MAN and men can not be expected to do these things.

Obviously I disagree. We both made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, both before and after we got married. I spent months trying to ignore the blatant problems then years trying to talk to Geoff about them. I believe that a marriage should be a partnership, where each person has rights and responsibilities. Where each loves, cherishes and supports the other. Where each contribute to running the house, and "bringing in the bacon" does not equate to half of that work any more than cleaning does. I believe that any partnership will always have ups and downs, fights and making up, good times and bad. But through it all both must be actively involved if it is to work.

We've both had counseling, but that is no magic wand, only a guided process to help a person sort out their problems themselves. We've prayed on and off but not consistently.

I have done everything I could to stop the denigration of our marriage, I tried every approach possible from the standard to the extreme, talking, counseling, praying, begging, seducing, ignoring, waiting, leading, following and everything else I could think of. Geoff says he can not think of anything I should have tried or anything I could do now or could have done in the past. But here we are.

We've just come back from church. It was a nice service in the children's liturgy and we went for coffee after. I had a lovely chat with a women I am barely aquainted with, but I'm trying to establish a ? reporie ? make friends, whatever the word is. She has twins a year older than DD,5 and a son a year younger. They had great fun running around and playing with our kids (BRB, Very tired son just weed on floor while reading a book) Then we took a nice walk through the Grotto. It was a lovely sunny day, the boys went ahead while we girls strolled along talking about God, the history of the grotto and Mary. Then G walked with the kids, who were tired of quiet voices while I slowly did the stations of the cross.

Why no blogging for so long? several reasons in no particular order; my health went down hill, I was busy with several ongoing chores (decorating, garden, kids, G, etc...), my marriage has collasped into nothing and I have no idea how to address this in life much less discuss it on blog, etc...

All prayers appreciated. God Bless! Chris

Garden update

Well... It's certainly been a while, hasn't it. So what's up???

+++++++++++++ written last Saturday ++++++++++++++++

Today we worked out in the garden, ben dug over 3 beds I did numerous small jobs with breaks then took over the sawing. It's amazing the difference when you pull out the course cut heavy duty saw. G had been getting frustrated and kept yelling at the kids, especially DS,2 who kept wondering around the area the G was working in and just didn't get the idea that he wasn't allowed to play by his sandpit, where I had arranged the wood for G. So I moved in and gave him a break, swapped saws then, after getting the rthym of sawing, I invited the kids over gave them a demo then let them do a bit of sawing. DD,4 was very keen until I said I was going to let them help, then was scared and only came over to saw "by herself" when I said she had to. Mostly I figured it was a great chance for some good mommy/kiddie time. Then DD,4 declared (following a clever hint from Daddy) that she could help by sitting on the stud to hold it still for me. She was great help and we had a fun time sawing.
Later, she was a great help gathering tools while I gathered everything else during a light drizzle/hail downfall. Geoff was out, taking Ben back home and s,2 was napping, so it was just us playing and working. After G came back we settled DD,4 inside and he and I finished making the base frame to attatch the greenhouse to. The hail started before when finished so the packing up that DD,4 and I had done meant that we got in faster. Now we just need to level the ground, cover it with weedmat, level and cement the base in place before we can finish assembling the Greenhouse. I really hope we can do it.

++++++++++ the above was finished today as was the following ++++

Too tired to write more. Migraine for 24 hours now though the level of pain has one down. Will tr more later.

Boo!

Got you!

Four days later

What to say...
I thought about blogging yesterday, but after staring at the screen for five minutes without writing I gave it up.
The good: I actually slept well, 6-7 hours (wed night) which hasn't happened in ages, and I could move so I was doing some improve aerobics to Shania Twain while making the bed and tidiing around. Mostly moves from the exercise section of my Art & Relaxation class, focusing around a grapevine and reach that incorporated a Tai Chi Ankle loosener with added hip action.
I kept a good balance of work a bit rest a bit through the morning, doing up the shelves for my crafting materials, tidiing the kitchen, cleaning and re-assembleing
David's car seat and having a great webcam with my bro.
Ruth, my volunteer helper came over and we had a nice lunch, then she took David out on his bike while I tidied again and worked on the shelves.

Ben wasn't fast enough to say no yesterday :) so I picked him up and he gave me a hand with the kids, the kitchen and the garden. I planned 2 jobs and 1 backup, Ben insisted on a 30 min timer which was good for me and we dug over the raised bed and weeded it. Ruth didn't want to work on her patch, so I said "That's ok, say goodbye to your tomatoes" This led to a big cry then a nice talk and "we agreed" to do it together, and we got it cleaned up. Then I releveled the whole bed and raked it it all flat including Ruth's section. And lastly I planted a 2' row of french radishes and another of gladiator parsnips. I also threw some samuri (red) carrot seed down the middle of my winter onions thru the net keeping the birds off off them just to see what would happen. Literally, I just drizzled them over the net. Meanwhile Ben made a good start of attacking the old, baddly maintained strawberry bed.
Then, after 35-40 min :' ) I came we came in and started dinner with Ruth doing her HW. but after a bit, I pulled a pan out of the cupboard and knocked out a pair of stacked pyrex measuring jugs which smashed and scattered. It shocked me badly so that everything after was a bad struggle, and while I managed to actually make the meal, burnt but edible Welsh rarbitwith can of beans and goat vs diary with homemade tomato soup that I had already nearly finished, I then crashed while eating it. So G. who was off for his appointment and had to take Ben back had to help me get the kids upstairs where I rushed them through the night routine and into bed and was asleep myslef before 8pm
Unfortunatly I woke up at midnight and got no rest after that (thurs night) so this morning a major struggle with stiffness and pain. I forced myself up did a min. of tidiing fortunately had some breakfast, though I shared with a demanding DS,2 who had already eaten his and went downstairs. There I did a bit of work of the shelves then tried to rest for a bit which DS,2 didn't allow. Nothing bad, just the standard one thing after the other. Teresa then helped me just packed up and off to the steam room which made a huge difference
So after that I went for a bit of shopping since I had to return a large item and then went to crosby's for the best Fish & Chips in the area for some more soul refreshing then some more shopping at Wilks for the primer I need to finish the Living room. Unfortunately DS,2 was really misbehaving and after the corner, the apologizing and getting cuddles he fell asleep in the trolley so the poor dear had just been tired. I tried to finish quickly but ended up having to call Ann to pick up DD,4 as I wasn't going to be able to make it back in time. I had a sleeping David, a huge tub of bargin paint (and I have to return it b/c I got silk by mistake) plus a big bag of shopping to get back to the car. In the end I had to wake DS,2 and he cried the whole trip back to the car with me holding his hand and praising how good he was being every step of the way. And he did such a good job, I'm very proud of him. Further, he didn't fall back asleep in the car, which blew my mind.
If only DD,4 had been so good, but she whinned the whole trip home, got sat down to do HW with only water and plain bread for her snack with a lecture of what some children must do for food when she complained plain bread was horrible (she ate it though and later begged and got some of DS,2's PBJ from him) complained during most of HW and then G. got home and she was taken to her room for quiet time. After awhile and a chat with Daddy "good girl" returned and stayed for the rest of the night.
Sat Morning, 5 am
I just gave up sleeping and got dressed been very uncomfortable in bed, tossing and turning for the last 4-5 hours with intermittent sleep and then woke up from bad teaching dream at 4
I've gotten to do a bit of gardening, which has made me a bit happy. I planted up all my peppers in a seed tray last night, it's got a lid for a mini greenhouse effect plus some elephant garlic and a mini tray with 4 types of basil.
I'm actually kinda tired but afraid that if I try going back to bed I'll just toss and turn but having finished this I’m going to try.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was the most peaceful day i've had in ages, probably since Scotland.
I got marvelous cuddles from everyone, with some extra special love from DD,4. We all got dressed and ready for church without much fuss. I even got to do Ruth's hair up in butterfly braids. (5 mini braids looped around to make a kindof butterfly shape) We drove down to Seascale for church with Mum, and were only 10 min late :) Geoff, Ruth & Mum walked back to her house in sun while David and I drove back so that I could sneek in the Bailey's Choclate Cake with Bailey's sour cream ganache that we had made for Mum into the house and hide it. I had even been able to make a quick card for her during the children's sunday school class (using the theme of the day of course, Samuael chooses David to be King.) All of my craft supplies are still buried in the flat due to the decorating so I could not make her a proper one.
Ws had a gorgeous meal of Roast Chicken with Albert's bacon and Sausages, Cabbage, carrots and roast potatos with canberry sauce and gravy on the side. YUM! But no pudding as G had "arranged" for her not to make one so we were both surprized when not only did G present Mum with her cake, but Ruth and David brought in a cake that they had made and decorated for me.



I wanted a black circle frame on my cake, but it's taking to long and I can't figure out how to do it. so tough.

Anyways, after the boys did the dishes we adjurned to the living room for cuppa and had a wonderfully relaxing afternoon. I had my seed binder (which is huge... I need a better system) and was intermittently working on organising my garden notes while we talked, Geoff read Dad's computer magazines and we all played with the kids. I was struggling with pain thoroughout but felt so peaceful that 1. I didn't feel the need to pretend I wasn't and 2. I felt so relaxed and comfortable that I moved to Dad's recliner after he went to work on his engineering bug and just rested/dozed while enjoying Motherhood/watching the kids play and thanking God for these most beautiful blessings/and occasionally getting cuddles with one of them.

I also made sure to thank Christine for being such a wonderful Mother-in-law/Mum; I truly don't think they come any better than Christine.

God Bless!

Rough Patch

Yesterday was very bad. Once I finished updating the Blog and Dad had checked it worked I went to bed very tired, only to find the bed soaked with sweat and G very wet and clammy. Also the sheets are burred, old poly/cotton mix which now irritates my very sensitive skin so I toossed turned, tried reading and 2 hours later finally drifted into a very poor slumber only to be woken an hour later by DS,2 playing with my hair again, bless him. Manged to get us dressed by 10:45 but I was barely mobile, very foggy and in a lot of pain. Geoff showed up as planned and took us all to the hostipal for an appointment with the pedatric surgern. I managed, slowly, to walk to the entrance and give David's name by which time I was so wobbley that G had to get me a wheel chair. For the rest of the day I was only able to walk 5-15 steps without wobling and spent the rest of the day either sitting or in bed. Happily I slept very well for the first time in weeks it seems.
This morning I woke around 11 am very confused at the lack of having my hair played with. DS,2 was at nursery and G was home as he is working short weeks this month while he sorts himself out. I needed a knee brace but otherwise felt full of energy by the time I had dressed but in the kitchen making drinks I keeled and found I had to sit for the afternoon. Time and again I tried getting up to do things and repeatedly was driven back down by lack of energy. Very depressing and at the worst I hooked out my devotional and did 2 sections with G. That and prayer helped me accept my thorns. G took my garden reclining chair that I brought over from Amer. last summer and I enjoyed a long hour sitting in the sun in our allotment alternating pure resting with taking notes on my seeds for planting this year. G brought out the mower after getting DD,4 from school and started that. I tried digging a bed and managed a 2-3 foot section before suggesting a trade with G figuring I was better taking the less energitic job. Taking frequent 2-5 min breaks we got the job done, I threw a bunch of broad beans to grow as green manure in the freshly dug bed and I harvested some purple and green kale and purple sprouting broccoli that was lovely in G's prawn stirfry as well as some purple Brussel Sprouts that sadly were overcooked. After a lecture about whinning that included that mention of DS,2 getting "a Dora" video while she went to bed early and some crying we had a lovely time with a very good DD,4 while DS,2 had many trips to the naughty step for hitting, kicking etc... Ruth. He's really becoming a bruiser but immediately he apologises very well and gives her a lovely cuddle. Hopefully this will be a short phase.
That's all for now.

FibroHouse North

Sunday, We went to the first annual conference of FibroHouse North in Penrith. I drove the whole way there, but not well and struggled through the rest of the day with 2 short attacks. The great thing was that since I was surrounded by other Fibro sufferers they all understood, didn't ask loads of questions and were very supportive in a non obstrusive way. Further I wasn't the only one suffering there, one of the speakers, a great guy to talk to, had to sit during his speech and it was cool because we all understood.
It was a great day, swapping information about drugs, symptoms, treatments, doctors, politics with a postivie focus and discussions about how to drive/encourage/push the NHS/Doctors/etc... forward. Interestingly it was repeatedly mentioned (and I've seen it all over the net as well) that most of the imformation and treatments come from america. It was also encouraging hearing form others about many of the problems I've had; "Doctors saying there's nothing to be done" family saying it's all in your head, people believing its just for attention, etc... It's nice knowing I'm not alone and also there are fibro sufferers out there who have had a worse time of it than I. And certainly, as one college pointed out, there are a lot of people out there in worse shape than we are.
We stopped off at Whinlatter park between Keswick and Cockermouth on the way back for a nice little walk and I even managed to pick up a couple of pallets from a skip for my allotment :') YEAH! I've practically become a pallet spotter in the last few weeks searching the roadsides for them. They are very handy for allotments and at least one of them will become a new gate for us.

Otherwise, here's an update on our progress if I can get it to work.

hmmm....

Saturday has come and gone

Hello everyone. It's been a rough week, as I already discribed, with exhaustion from all my prior work, sinus infection, and period pain which at least explains the bad stomach cramps I had earlier in the week and removes concern of a stomach bug. I'm on the good old Amoxicillian and feeling better for it and I am trying to pace myself better. Thursday night after getting the kids fed and to bed and haivng a rest, I decided to have a go at the radiator. The video, which has taken some time to compase is large so you can hopefully see the detail of the paint blistering. 1 pic/2 sec played back at 20 pics/sec



I have struggled to get anything done since as well, but I try to balance resting with keeping moving, to avoid stiffness, and getting some jobs done. Friday we went to bed at 8 or 9, though we staid up in bed watching some of the Titanic Specials. Today after sleeping in some, I drove to pick up Ben, but only made it a block or so before I pulled over and discovered a flat tire. Geoff was very effecient, getting the spare on before Ray, our neighbour, could drink his coffee and come out to help. And the tire was fixed and paid for by 12:30 pm. Ben's dad was kind enough to bring Ben over and the plastered walls have been painted with a freshly sieved basic white emulsion. and our new door as well as the toy shelves have been sanded cleaned and varnished with Deep Mahogany Varnish. I had a nice webcam with a very patient Kathy who forgave me wondering off several times to get things and paint awkward areas while talking as well as bearing with noise levels and technical difficulties.

Still struggling, brought down by a sinus infection ontop of everything else. I've tried to pace myself and do what I can but little is happening. However some has been done: Graeme, a good friend come over on a really bad day to reinforce the bookcase with his nifty drill which has a countersink tool. Most of the times I tried to do something I had to go back and sit down before I had even left the room. On of my energy went into keeping David happy and fed etc... A few hours later He came back and bullied me into moving, doing all of the hard wotk, shifting furniture, hoovering, fetching things until it was time for me to get ruth and was finished and set up nicely in the Living room. Geoff and Ruth were both pleases when they saw it. So a big thank you to him! and I am trying to make sure it's returned to that clean state before the end of each night.
I'd been talking about stripping the radiator to make it more effient than just adding yet another layer of paint on top of the rest. But does this make an economic or practical difference? I have no idea. anyway, here it is, for a short time at least in large so you can see the detail:



hmmm... says this is a draft. Had anyone seen this before?

Our newest blessing

My brother welcomed his son into the world at 7:40pm local time last night. All are well, praise the Lord!

Holiday is over

Well, my ability to do lots in a day seems for now to be over. For the last 3 days I've been able to only do very little at a time, frequently getting up to do something only to find I must sit again before I can do it.
I crashed completely sometime around 6 today and was not able to move until 10, though I frequently woke up. Each time feeling full of lead and barely able to even adjust myself. Just getting upstairs took G 10 mins of coxing, massaging and manipulating my legs just so I could move. Frankly I'm too tired to be frustrated.
The fog is a lot worse. I can pull myself together for an hour or so, then it's several more before I can do it again, bouncing off everthing both mentally and physically. Wanted and I felt needed to go swimming today, for legs but crashed first.
Too hard to type

Prayers for my brother and his family please.

Progress

Not in my house, though that has happened too but in my marriage. Most recently, G finally got around to giving me the valentines present he had bought me. He baked me a gorgeous allergy free sandwich chocolate cake with butter cream frosting (goats butter and allergy free very rich choclate) and the same choclate melted and drawn on the cake into a C (heart with arrow) G design. With this was the deluxe version of Titanic ( a movie he always swore to not see, 'after all if you've seen the trailer you've seen it all') and a promise to watch it with me. Very nice. And the cake was served with a shot of Kalua (probably why I can't sleep now but very tasty) and some fun playing Boggle. He wanted to play it together online, but I said why not use the game, since I got it. The answer and a thorny issue with G is that he does not like to compete and activly avoids it. Solution, we play the game together outloud looking for a combined record. Compromise and Progress... Yeah
Before that he rounded up the kids a few days ago and secretly made the same cake with just the solid melted chocolate covering the whole top... wonderful and surprised me with it while his parents where here and we all enjoyed it. So I was all the more surprized to find him making another before the first was fully eaten, and boy did that take willpower. So I think my progress with weight loss is now stopped and in fact reversed.

Now to the start of my progress, I've been skimming through Christian wbsites and was again skimming over the LAF website when G caught a headline over my shoulder and asked me to open it for him. and there was a brilliant article that really speaks to both of us on several levels and I am revisiting it to continue to take in on board. It hard to read openly but I feel well worth it. I also feels it answers a question I have been asking myself and God for years, but it isn't an instant answer. The title is The War of Fathers.

Otherwise, DS,2 is doing very well except for 3-4 accidents most days though dry at nights and DD,4, bless her, is going through a very rude and presumptive patch that we are working on. She frequently complains that we are "not fair" Very annoying, good thing I never said that... ; ) I also caught her trying to steal a pair of school trousers that I gave her to hold until I got to the till. You wont be surprised that I got sidetracked thenn forgot about them. Meanwhile DD, 4 had hidden them in her coat because, "She didn't want to pay for it because it had a pretty star on it" I noticed after we left the shop, closing it, and she was trying to keep it from falling out of her coat without me seeing it. I immediately returned (banging on the door of the closed shop) and made her return them and apologize. It took ages to get an explanation out of her but I truly feel that she doesn't yet get the concept of "why" inspite of the explanations/conversations sporadically over the last year. No idea how to get this through to her, but I expect that it will come with time. I'm not pushing it, only discussing it as the occasion arises.

ok, enough for now, I'm tired. God Bless you all.

struggling

4 nights now of poor sleep/up numerous times a night, just due to fibro, but the last two days I've also been congested, basic cold type I believe.
Decorating downstairs still ongoing, I keep thinking I'm nearly finished the Living room, then something comes up, often my health blocking me from doing more.
I've worked so hard to get things done, but I now go through each day with very little eneregy left and have gone to bed before 3-4 times in the last week.

It's half term week so DD,4 is off school and I've been trying to make sure the kids have some fun time, I don't want them just watching movies while I decorate so we've spent lots of time playing at JJacks a local play area with a massive indoor playground and one day unexpectedly followed this with a playground and Godfather Steve.

I am finding peace due to my growing relationship with God, in fact a couple of really bad days He got me through collasping in the garden and having to lie down in a shop and put my feet up. 5 weeks on and I am still easily staying with the devotional, not just once a week but revisiting 2-3 times each week as well. However I am very much struggling to discover a good and productive attitude I can maintain with my marriage and Hubby. Things are better than they were a few weeks back, larging due to his doing the devotional with me, at his request, and him actively praying with all of us several times a week. He's been initiating prayer I mean. I do feel, thanks to inspiration from several sites linked from the CHCH site that I am appreciating the kids better and spending better time with them.

hmmm.... been up since 7:30 so I'm going to head off to decorate with the family.
God Bless everyone

Chris

safe blogging

A long day, but this time I want to talk about my previous post and the comments I have just read from caring friend and family.

Thank you to both of you for your comments, I appreciate both your thoughts and time. As I mentioned in the post, I was already planning to remove it, in fact G and I discussed it first and after I edited it I posted it with the precautions I already mentioned and calling my family right away to view it before I removed it. G and I both feel that it was ok for 48 hours, but would not post anything of that nature permanently for the exact reasons the comments mentioned, and I'm sure that rest of you understand. I very much consider the content of all material I post, hence some of our material will never be posted, even for that short time. Likewise, I wont send an email out announcing such posts. Further I don't feel the need to call everyone outside family, but let you know if you feel otherwise.

God Bless you all
Chris

today
very good work ;' )

video pulled for safety as intended from the start. Please note that I had not put any comments or labels on about the video, so nothing that would pull this up in a search engine.

Tons of decorating lately and not a lot of play time with the kids, though I have institued short walks, with kids on bikes sometimes,at least 1/week when G comes home and Bike/skate rides on the harbour etc...
Anyways I had loads of extra paint from my mood painting in my Art and Relaxation classso I brought it home to use with the kids and having covered the floor with spare sheets thought this was the ideal time. I have already shortening this video once but let me now if you have any probs and I can break it into .
We had great fun with this though it wiped me out completely. I was thinking of making up a competion wish a signed "Ruth" or "David" piece as a prize, but I don't now if anyone would be interested so please let me know.

Picasa

hmmm... Bored but not tired, so I've tired to figure out picasa and web albums. Does it work?

nope, second try...

third try...

fourth...

A tired day today. Yesterday was hard work with DS,2, plus went shopping for more plaster and things. Had 2 tantrums in 2 shops, both resulting in having to take DS,2, out to the car so I could pay up. Second time he was asleep in seconds bless him. Then met a friend at Jungle Jacks with her 2 and another for an hour of play, enjoyed by all. Followed this with the shop that I couldn't do early due to tantrums and home to a cooked dinner and Tai Chi. Keeled over again, sadly. I know I'm over doing it, but there is so much to be done, the pressure of it worse than the effort to do it right now.

Sore and tired this morning, but dragged myself into a shower (8:30) then tidied my room and forced myself to do some tai chi streching after 5 min relaxing on bed and praying. Very hard to force myself to lie there instead of jump into more work. Then it turns out that H didn't bring the new bags of plaster in from the car, as asked so instead I did some quiet painting today, varnishing the kids toy shelves and our old DVD/ hanging bookcase which is being moved to the kitchen. A good choice given how I feel. I played around with the time lapse video some more.
The state of these rooms down here was really gettin on my nerves over the last few days so again I tried to organize and tidy it, but this time got lucky and now its a nearly finished room and a nearly empty room that is being decorated. Sarah came over for dinner and company and bravely volunteered to hoover, though the place was bad wnough that I was having to sweep up first. Happy she also like Boggle so we very much enjoyed several games, included a memorable episode of the top coming off while I was shaking shooting dice everywhere. We got them together, I tried again and then took the top off only to find one missing. We spent ages looking for it, checking everyone twice at least before giving up to roll for the extra letter. Then I found the rascal hiding uner the instructions about 10 inches from the game. She's taking a part time career break so I'm eagerly awaiting more games.




Living room needs touch up and 3 patches filled and smoothed, but I have to wait for H to pull out the wires first. Dining room needs a load of filling and plastering as soon as I can face it and I bought the stuff to hae a go at skimming a cranny wall just to see if I can do it. Should be interesting and I'll try to do another video either way.

A rough weekend

Its 8:45 am, the kids and hubby are out to Grannys, school and work. I had breakfast, miso soup with brown rice noodles, and helped DD (dear daughter, my new safe code) get dressed, hair done, and be brave to ask H (Hubby) for toast, she was afraid to ask in case he said no (this is a new issue that I hope was just due to her being tired and hence a bit silly) And I very happy cuddled both of a dear children. I love cuddles.
My weekend? Sat. was very wierd, I was up at least have of the night do to the large, noisy and uncomfortable bubbles rolling every direction in my guts followed by some very unpleasant toilet time. I will spare you the details except to ask how is it possible to have constipation and diahoerra at the same time. I thought this was a new albeit wierd expression of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) All of the happening with DS climbing over me and both of them playing in the Bathroom so the H could sleep. We then tidied rooms, then did a Yoga DVD for 30 min with DS crawling all over and around us and DD trying her best to do it. She was great! then we got H up, did a Bible study together (except me in toilet saga again) then dressed and fed.
Next was painting Living room with ben and a rush to get dressed in party clothes (which i clevier set out earlier) when we discovered that the party was at 12 not half past.
Came back with very tired kids for went straight to quiet time for 2 hours while I rejoining the painters who had increased by another friend. I didnt paint but instead spent the entire time patching and smoothing walls, while forcing down a few crackers with pate. The kids woke up and got a movie and eventually the main painting was finished and work was wrapped up and friends went home. I wanted to continue plastering, but made a gentle meal of pumpkkin barley risotto using the pressure cooker and then folded completely and had to be put to bed.
This led to another uncomfortable un restful night, a dreadful morning and I stayed in bed all day ecept for sagas to the bathroom, with the addition of always fighting being sick to my stomach as well. I never actually hurled, but I think I wouldve felt better if I could have just gotten it out of my system. Amazingly I actually slept through the whole night and feel rested now and just sore for worn out gut muscles.
Ive spent the rest of the morning checking out christian blogs and doing some praying and am now off to get dressed and try to go downstairs. Here is the link of the blog thats had a great influence on me lately.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/DandelionSeeds/437683/
Later I will try to properly put the link on my blog. I am alredy doing the devotionally and hope to start blogging it soon. My main goals for myself are to continue to reestablish my connection with God and to discover His purpose for my life. I hope to rework my attitude and actions in my marriage and household as well through this.
God Bless!

Update

Ok, I've just added a picture to ?Monday's? the video blog, that you might want to see

Hmmm...

well, for the last hour I have been burning time web searching nonsense, from an interest in some history about mimi driver in Phantom of the Opera the to Tom Felton, just because I saw a very hunky pic of him in a margin. Mostly brain dead point and click as I was wasted in bed but not tired when I thought I should be useful and blog.
The trouble is that this has been a hellalous week and I am not ready to discuss the issue yet.
So, since my last blog... David was acting funning on Monday and during creche, while I was in my Art and Relaxation Class, he refused toast and bananas, his 2 favorite foods. He was then very clingy and hindsight sugests I should've guess with these 2 hints, but of course I didn't.
So I was squatting down next to him in the entrance area of Co-op asking him what was wrong when he vomited. Young children, and I believe this is an evolved survival trait, Projectile vomit. I lept backwards while getting sprayed then picked him up to take him to a staff member to say what to do, in terms of the mess so I could take him home ASAP. Then he did it again, spraying a larger area, while I tried to figure out where to point him, and they had to throw out 10 pies. Then a staff member comes up and tells me that "they aren't allowed to touch bodily fluids" so I had to clean up most of the mess and then she disappeared leaving me to deal with hyper Ruth running about, crying David and loads of people entering the store and me trying to warn them/direct them around the vomit. Eventually we got it mopped up and I turn around to see David, happy as could be, running around with Ruth, So I went shopping, covered in vomit.
Why? to buy myself some ice cream, b/c know I seriously needed it, and to buy a cooked chicken for an easy meal, as there was no way I was going to hassle over a meal now, as well as Arrowroot Biscuits (cookies) for David, the only things we let the kids ea until they stop throwing up.
Hmmm... who thinks I write too much. Please comment, I want not to waste this time or bore people into not reading. I need to learn to summerize better.

I started throwing up 3:00 am Wednesday morning, plastering inbetween and web camming with my parents the entire time. The last time I hurled all night in the US they sleep through it, so the time difference has it's bonuses.

The decorating goes well, though slower with me crashing so often, the kids are good and My connection to God and His peace is getting stronger and carrying me through.

My first video

ok, this is a second attempt to get this on, its fairly self explanatory. Hmmm, third go, the video was 238,000 KB which was much to big so I'm trying the compress option on a new video stich, ( I think this just means a video made by putting together all of the pictures taken)

I'm very proud of the work I have done to fix up the Kitchen, Living and dining rooms as well as decorating the toilet (downstairs bathroom) especially the plastering, but it has really taken a lot out of me, so I'm crashing alot and have had 2 days already this week where I physically could do almost nothing. It's a large job given the state of the walls and my trait of wanting to do it right instead of settling for FYI (G's phrase) but I think I will be happy with the results once it's done and it has encouraged G to get on board with improving the state of the house. As far as the future goes though... well, we'll see.

This picture is from the video, hence the poor quality, but I don't think you'll see it so here it is:

The Early Bird Gets The Worm

Well, having crashed last night at 7:30 and been put to bed by Geoff AND the kids I was up at 3:30 having not rested well at all, so I decided to get to work.
I spent over a hour on the phone with mom while I tidied my desk upstairs and then came down to find the catastrophe my hubby had left in the kitchen; open, raw and cooked food left out on nearly every surface so the next 1/2 to 3/4 hour were spent webcaming with Mom while I out the kitchen and dining room. I also webcammed with my brother who looked an hour from his deathbed due to an ugly bout of flu. Then I got really busy and hit two large patches of wall with plaster, as you will see below. This means that not only can I plaster walls now but also that I figured out how to do time lapse videos using my webcam, so I feel that I have earned big kudos points with my efforts today.

For the record, the rest of my efforts on Monday include: 3 loads of laundry treated and washed, 1 load + 1 comforter (duvet) on the line all of the above and more folded and sorted, 2 wallpapered walls (heavy texture) painted includeing edges, David walked around the chickens in the allotments. etc...

Plastering

Well, I feel I have earned the title "Polyfiller Queen" I can mix it, work it, and smoothy patch and rebuild walls with it. Sadly, I have used up all in the house, so yesterday Ruth & I hit a Building Supplies Shop and spent 64 pounds sterling (p.s.) buying more supplies including a bag of plaster (cheaper than polyfiller) a "floater" for spreading large amounts, self leveling concrete (18 p.s. ex. VAT) and tools.
Last night I was looking at the old external wall between the Living Room and Kitchen, which I have spent considerable time polyfilling, especially building the wall around the doorway frame which had huge gaps, and I thought what the hell I'll try skimming (plastering) the whole wall. Geoff misunderstood me when I announced this, then became very alarmed at the amount of plaster I was mixing. I did a 5 foot stretch of everything to the left of the doorframe; figuring that if it all went wrong I would simply pull it all off. An interesting experience where I learned as I went.
This morning I examined the results and by 4 pm I had skimmed the entire wall. At 3 pm I was trying to finish the last section at the bootom right side and needing to pick up Ruth from school. I finished up, popped into the kitchen for the keys and came out to find David "plastering" and the wall needing redoing. ARGHHHHH!!!!! So I tried to quickly reset it, afraid it would set badly by the time I got back from getting Ruth, threw David (with no underpants sor trousers on) and flew to get Ruth and get back to finish fixing it. I spent then next 30 min. working on that last 2 foot square section which isn't very good because I was badly overmixing the plaster and it wasn't sticking to the wall.
By 4:30 it was done and I was crashing badly, due to problems with sleep thoroughout the wek week, over working, and not having eaten yet that day. I fed myself and the kids ORTS (leftovers) from the fridge along with a fresh pineapple that was molding on the outside and Fabulous inside, and a fruited Malt loaf. We had fun cuddling and playing on the couch and watching Ratatoulie until G came home by which time I was losing it entirely. He ran me a bath and helped me upstairs and into it I tried to pull myself together while rereading Northhanger Abbey. A few minutes later the book was down and I slept until G pulled me out and into my bed where I had lovely cuddles with the kids while falling back to sleep.
Sadly it's now 11:30 pm and I'm wide awake and doing this. Hopefully I be able to sleep soon with the side affects of my bedtime drugs and I am looking forward to more work, painting up the rooms (but not the plastered wall untill its thoroughly dried) with the help of friends tomarrow.
God Bless you all

Forward progress

Before buying this house I had a chat with G about the work this house would need. He was generally not interested in DIY and this house would need a lot of it. I asked if he was really ready to put in the effort and work this house would need and he said yes. I stressed that we didn't have to buy this house so was he sure and again he said yes.
And year or so ago he admitted that he had not really been listening to me during that conversation and had not really been commiting himself. In the last few days I have come to realize that for years I had been waiting for G to take charge or at least be interested in improving that state of the house. Instead he has been dragging his feet and actively avoiding any work on the house. (BTW He's just read this and agrees to it's accuracy) Waiting for G was a big mistake and unfair to him.

The wait is over. With the help of Ben, a great friend who frequently helps us out, (around 1/week for the last year and a half) and a spontaneous conversation about where to get started while we were having a cuppa in the kitchen. I have torn the house apart and been peeling paper, plaastering holes and painting walls

The kitchen is 1/2 painted and started leaking thru the entrance way, old external wall just as the paint was drying so we know have 2 leaks in the kitchen. The toilet under the stairs just needs the cielings painting and a bit of touch up. The Living room has been getting major prep and 1 1/4 walls have had there first coat of paint (a creamy cinnamon colour with Mahogany varish on the doorways) and the dining room is waiting to be stripped. I'm getting excellent practice on plastering holes, cracks etc...

God Bless!

A start

Hello one and all. This is just a trial to see how easy it is, since Geoff is talking me through this on the phone from work. The most important thing I could ever say on this is that through all of my trials, especially my marriage and health, God is with me; supporting me and loving me. He is my savior and guide and I hope to reestablish my sadly neglected relationship with Him. That is my most important Goal this year and I hope that I do not lose track of it. Thank you for all of your prayers.
God Bless you all!
Chris